Monday, December 30, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
Monday, December 16, 2013
You cannot keep a good person down for long..im back and in full effect and I cant wait to begin the new year...I have grown and Im excited for the possibilities to come...I want to thank every anonymous person who reads my thoughts and pain....even happy times.. I have been doing alot of contract work online..so my artistic side had to take a break
I never thought in a million years that my past would come back to haunt me... I never took the time out to heal and work on me...and because of that..I have hurt myself in so many ways..by just living and not trying to understand how my past has affected me even till now...
I am a mover, and a runner..meaning when things get tough I leave...that has been the solution for my life for the longest...people are so easy for me to leave behind because that was done to me..throughout my life...it became difficult to love and respect a man...Because I once loved my father and with the lies and abuse..came the hatred for everything that he was..and it forever defined my out look on man...I wanted to be somebody totally different then who I was because I hated me at a young age I would listen and watch certain children and I dreamed of being them and living there normal life...just to be normal...and at a young age that signaled the destruction of me and the lies I would tell to myself and others to become who I wanted to be....
I rarely talk about my father and I will only talk about him now for a few because that is all that he deserves...and it is only for the well being of myself and my future relationships with my son and my brother and man in general...I must first fix this and say my piece and properly let go...
There are things father, that only you and I know....are little adventures and your endless stream of promises..my mother never believed what I told her......but my young body and mind did...you forever violated my trust as a father and a human being and even then i forgave you and you lied and hurt me every time.. I have lived without you and will continue to do so....my only regret is you being able to live so long with the horrible things that you have done...you destroyed a family that you created and never once did you try..you easily let go without fighting..I watched you run away so many times that it became okay for me to do so as well..I forgive you now and I let go and leave you in the past and with that hurt little girl that no one cared to help...
I never thought in a million years that my past would come back to haunt me... I never took the time out to heal and work on me...and because of that..I have hurt myself in so many ways..by just living and not trying to understand how my past has affected me even till now...
I am a mover, and a runner..meaning when things get tough I leave...that has been the solution for my life for the longest...people are so easy for me to leave behind because that was done to me..throughout my life...it became difficult to love and respect a man...Because I once loved my father and with the lies and abuse..came the hatred for everything that he was..and it forever defined my out look on man...I wanted to be somebody totally different then who I was because I hated me at a young age I would listen and watch certain children and I dreamed of being them and living there normal life...just to be normal...and at a young age that signaled the destruction of me and the lies I would tell to myself and others to become who I wanted to be....
I rarely talk about my father and I will only talk about him now for a few because that is all that he deserves...and it is only for the well being of myself and my future relationships with my son and my brother and man in general...I must first fix this and say my piece and properly let go...
There are things father, that only you and I know....are little adventures and your endless stream of promises..my mother never believed what I told her......but my young body and mind did...you forever violated my trust as a father and a human being and even then i forgave you and you lied and hurt me every time.. I have lived without you and will continue to do so....my only regret is you being able to live so long with the horrible things that you have done...you destroyed a family that you created and never once did you try..you easily let go without fighting..I watched you run away so many times that it became okay for me to do so as well..I forgive you now and I let go and leave you in the past and with that hurt little girl that no one cared to help...
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