Sunday, November 17, 2013

? Lost for words.....

After, the last breakup...I made a vow and a promise to myself that things would change between us...and only now can I speak the truth
Me and my brother had an intense argument..and he said things that truly hurt me and it was only because I didn't have a place to go, that I had to stand there and listen.....
Through the madness I could see that the he was hurt and so was I...but alot of the things he said were said to me before...by ex-boyfriends of mine
So, yes I am emotionally damaged but for some reason they love me.....and I was Selfish and I have trust issues, people issues as well as emotional scars that nobody will ever know..but when most of your relationships are damaged you have to start looking at yourself and I have........
There are so many things..that I could've done differently
I text my ex today.......I have been spending the past day's with stomach pains and depressed
Keeping myself busy looking and applying for jobs...but never did I stop loving or missing him..because of my past..I leave if you tell me your done..it's nothing else left to say....but when my brother and his girlfriend were discussing there problems...he stated that he hates when his girlfriend leaves and stays gone...and he expressed how it made him feel and I never thought about like that...But I suppose when your creating a family and a life...you have too stay and fight.........
Will I go back to my ex???
No.....Yes......maybe
Because I feel free...right now..like I can fix everything
or go back and change nothing.......

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