Im turning the big...30...my b.day review

The Goldie files......review on new nail polish and skincare

Im turning the big...30...my b.day review

This is the cup song re done by Jada and Michelle

 You cannot keep a good person down for long..im back and in full effect and I cant wait to begin the new year...I have grown and Im excited for the possibilities to come...I want to thank every anonymous person who reads my thoughts and pain....even happy times.. I have been doing alot of contract work online..so my artistic side had to take a break
I never thought in a million years that my past would come back to haunt me... I never took the time out to heal and work on me...and because of that..I have hurt myself in so many ways..by just living and not trying to understand how my past has affected me even till now...
I am a mover, and a runner..meaning when things get tough I leave...that has been the solution for my life for the longest...people are so easy for me to leave behind because that was done to me..throughout my life...it became difficult to love and respect a man...Because I once loved my father and with the lies and abuse..came the hatred for everything that he was..and it forever defined my out look on man...I wanted to be somebody totally different then who I was because I hated me at a young age I would listen and watch certain children and I dreamed of being them and living there normal life...just to be normal...and at a young age that signaled the destruction of me and the lies I would tell to myself and others to become who I wanted to be....
I rarely talk about my father and I will only talk about him now for a few because that is all that he deserves...and it is only for the well being of myself and my future relationships with my son and my brother and man in general...I must first fix this and say my piece and properly let go...
There are things father, that only you and I know....are little adventures and your endless stream of promises..my mother never believed what I told her......but my young body and mind did...you forever violated my trust as a father and a human being and even then i forgave you and you lied and hurt me every time.. I have lived without you and will continue to do so....my only regret is you being able to live so long with the horrible things that you have done...you destroyed a family that you created and never once did you try..you easily let go without fighting..I watched you run away so  many times that it became okay for me to do so as well..I forgive you now and I let go and leave you in the past and with that hurt little girl that no one cared to help...

My Meaningful Beauty by Cindy Crawford review

The bottle is really cool and innovative, you can see the pictures below
The creme is  light and airy feeling with a subtle and light fragrance. Now there are a couple of things that I liked the most..The packaging is good sophisticated but still girly, the price is reasonable as well especially for such a good product. There is no heavy smell and this creme seems to work with a variety of races and skin types. I have combination dry skin and I have used a wide variety of different products for skincare and within 2-3 days I felt a difference in my skin, like a tightening. i also have sensitive skin which breaks out due to harsh chemicals and this worked very well with my skin no irritation. You don't have to use this product two-three times daily only once, simple and last but not least, it took a week but yes I started to see noticeable changes in my fine lines as well as mine fine lines, I even applied on my forehead where I'm

starting to see wrinkles and it worked there also. I am not being compensated for this review this is my honest opinion and yes I would recommend this product.

  http://www.meaningfulbeauty.com/products/products,default,pg.html

  http://www.meaningfulbeauty.com/select-a-system/order,default,pg.html

 Here are direct links for the product and other product reviews, I got this complimentary from influenster...Thanks

? Lost for words.....

After, the last breakup...I made a vow and a promise to myself that things would change between us...and only now can I speak the truth
Me and my brother had an intense argument..and he said things that truly hurt me and it was only because I didn't have a place to go, that I had to stand there and listen.....
Through the madness I could see that the he was hurt and so was I...but alot of the things he said were said to me before...by ex-boyfriends of mine
So, yes I am emotionally damaged but for some reason they love me.....and I was Selfish and I have trust issues, people issues as well as emotional scars that nobody will ever know..but when most of your relationships are damaged you have to start looking at yourself and I have........
There are so many things..that I could've done differently
I text my ex today.......I have been spending the past day's with stomach pains and depressed
Keeping myself busy looking and applying for jobs...but never did I stop loving or missing him..because of my past..I leave if you tell me your done..it's nothing else left to say....but when my brother and his girlfriend were discussing there problems...he stated that he hates when his girlfriend leaves and stays gone...and he expressed how it made him feel and I never thought about like that...But I suppose when your creating a family and a life...you have too stay and fight.........
Will I go back to my ex???
No.....Yes......maybe
Because I feel free...right now..like I can fix everything
or go back and change nothing.......

Heartbroken.........

I am emotionally drained and I feel incredibly stupid, for investing my life...time....love...and knowledge into a relationship for six years.
Putting my dreams and goals on hold to take care of him and start a life with him.
Not only was I sexually unsatisfied...I was ready mentally but my heart wasn't ready and now after everything...I find myself having to start my life completely over again...
I wanna give up...Lord knows it would be soooooooo much easier
I am trying to use all my remaining strength to hold on....pray...find a job and move on
but im not getting no leeway the pressure aint letting up and every time I take a step forward something else get's thrown in my way.........I don't know what else to do at this point but..............

Even though I'm celebrating my birthday on the weekend,  it is officially on Thursday so join me as I film the countdown to my last day's in my twenties..........Yeah!!!!!

Updates of more Sites to get Free sample Freebies and more

Vaginal Steaming....Good or Bad...complete review and how to

Updates of more Sites to get Free sample Freebies and more

The Final Countdown continues.....

As, my birthday gets closer and closer...I realize that the best is yet to come but I begin to think about my mortality and how quickly life and time go by.
In my youth I wish I had the wisdom I have now but that would be more like cheating....I'm not worried about getting older as I am about my finances and taking a step into the unknown, becoming my own boss.
My insecurities stem from the facts that I have put in a lot of work and continue to do so and I have yet to reap or even see a small benefit of my rewards.
I know that I have to believe and continue to strive but it is discouraging at times with all the surveys and at home jobs and youtube videos and blogging and I can honestly say, I have yet to been paid for my efforts at least yet......
I still, have many flaws and things to work on, but yes world you do get better with time..
But, since I'm still in my 20's I think, I'll have a glass of wine with my breakfast...some pinot grigo to be exact......

The picture, that you see at the bottom.....is myself at the Barrister's Ball at age 18....

(singing, the final countdown).....It's about that time of the year, my born day.....So I have been doing extra projects...trying to get more subscribers and views on youtube....researching how to make better videos....being a mother...a fiancee'...still trying to maintain my looks and spa days.....surveys, listening to music giving my reviews..it's like it's never enough time.....or rather it's on speed....and it's going by so fast....
I wanna thank each and every person who takes the time out, to read my heart.....
It never fails to amaze me....how you can have life figured out.....
and in the blink of an eye it can change....
You never stop learning ad changing.....sometimes for the good and the bad
Be blessed......everyone......

GoldieTheQueen.......My slideshow and my voice

GoldieTheQueen.......My slideshow and my voice

Sex....has always been a very important part of my identity.
My way of being in control and having power...I was so insecure back then about the woman I was...I felt that was the one thing that was soooo great, that I had to offer....I used it as a means to get what I wanted....money, affection......love
Now, I realized how much I had played in a part in the destruction and hurting of myself
the self-abuse, the man I allowed to hurt me and come in my life
I had so much more to offer...but we often make our own circumstance's unwillingly
I was so angry...and in the blink of an eye..everything I had been bred and trained to become went down the drain...
My salvation came unexpectedly.....In the love of a man
who understood pain like I
He, had just lost his wife of 17 years
and that was too deep for my young years to comprehend....but life and God has a bigger plan for you and in trying to help heal his pain.....he in fact healed me....he taught me to fight and love me first....
It's OK to be a little SELFISH....after everything we all have been through ...Treat yourself........and most importantly....Love YOURself.
P.s.........Sex is still very important.......but it no longer defines me...but rather just another piece of the puzzle

Part two....Repair for curly hair and wigs..simple products and instruct...

Riding through the park..a brief peek into my life....

Nail Polish.......2013 review...My personal Favorites

My remake too.. Mary J. Blige..My Life off the My Life album

Myself singing.. Aretha Franklin..Do Right Woman

Myself singing.. Aretha Franklin..Do Right Woman

The best websites...to get free things

Self-perseverance is the first rule in nature......know thy self in all ways......you reflect mirror images back into your life. As the man thinketh so is his....look within for destiny of self.......you have to know who you are, for you can never get ahead of others if you don't know self........Game

My remake too.. Mary J. Blige..My Life off the My Life album

Life is amazing........I have always thought I wanted to be an entertainer, songwriter/singer/rapper. Then after trying out the industry, I chased other things....none working out for me. Now for the first time, I am building my empire....my voice and my business, forgive me for not posting constantly. I have been busy, but you guys and ladies are my private ears to my voice and memories........

There are things that of course I can't share:
A looooong time.....ago.......I thought I was in love and I thought he loved me...I was homeless and I thought that he would take care of me......I thought that I could trust him....my children had to go live with there father. All I had left was a job that was paying penny's.......and slowly but surely the disrespect and abuse started......the conversations of me drunk......him telling me to dance.....sell my body......then came the locking me out the apartment I'm paying rent on.......then came the abuse.......the suicide attempts, the drug addictions......pill popping all to hide the pain.....the fights.......The pain.......my self-abuse.......Then came me begging him to stop hurting me..never did he listen...I can remember him having his female company and him hiding me in the room or telling me I have to find somewhere to go for the night. It took me three years of going through hell and back and another three to totally erase him from my life.....forever and I did that.

Now it's eight years later and I never thought I would be HAPPY.

This is not my job........This is my Passion....some of my singing videos

Growing Pains.....

Never, in my Life.....would I have thought that I would have matured to this point in my life....I was brought up in a middle-class environment, good schools a great beginning but somewhere, down the line. It went wrong and I went through alot of pain......Life lessons....now that I'm about to enter into the second stage in life. I am excited about all the new possibilities and the huge amount of growth I've made personally,

In my late teens till my late twenty's........I've suffered from severe depression, suicide attempts(Five)....I've been homeless....I was a teenage mother....I've sold dope...women...hustled and I fought my way through it all in my faith in god and the need to want to have more...and the feeling that I deserved more.....I'm writing this just to let people know...that we all make mistakes...we are all human...but you can change your life....your destiny is written by you...take the shit by the horns and own it....also with the help of youtube...endless amounts of videos on so many areas of knowledge and advice...I am advancing and growing as a woman and a business woman....

The ending result of my mistakes....I graduated from high-school, as well as college....I have had paralegal training as well as work experience......but that is so minor to what I am trying to build and achieve....welcome to my personal journey and my thoughts as well as memories.

When I was younger, I didn't understand how many of my mother's fears and beliefs, naturally passed on too me. Love was a word and I was a wild and lost spirit, searching for something that could ease my confusion and pain. Drinking and living but not really living,,,,,,,,,,,,,,just moving, because when I stand still, the silence is too much. But, now................let's fast forward.......to the present..........Everything is becoming clear and even though it was a lot of hell and tears and blood shed for me to get here..........But I got here and I'm not even finish yet.